Today, i admit to my greatest mistake.. As i sipped the scalding Chai tea latte form Kuy Da Ta, I listened to the words, carefully, from my best friend. We were discussing what we have been for the past couple of weeks. The situation is long and tedious, but the run down is as followed; Boy likes Girl, Girl likes Boy. Boy and Girl get close. Boy and Girl live apart. Girl misses Boy. Boy misses Girl. Girl gets clingy. Boy gets scared. Girl gets hurt.
Same story different verse. To be honest, i have no idea how i am to feel about the whole situation. I am split between the fact that two of my very close friends, are now on shaky terms. I supose that I was holding resentment twards the girl friend, (for other reasons as well) because she, at the moment was annoying the living shit out of me.
Where is the relevance in all of this? Why do I publicly discuss my friends business in my blog? Because as i sat, eating the curious brown cookie that came with my tea, i realized. I also was the girl.
Not in a literal sense of course, but the fact that our stories were almost identical. My senses heightened, as the hair on the back of my neck rose. I could see out the window, of a huge endless night sky, the same sky we looked at together. I smelled deeply into my cup, and how floral tea remind me of the way her house smelled. How I could so vividly articulate what memories still lingered in my head, good or bad was satisfying. it was a Monumental experience.
So i sat. Blankly. Staring into the cup of green liquid, as my mind raced with similarities between our two teenage love affairs, only to find how heartbreaks change you, and how biter we let our selves become. I looked up to my best friend, and slowly said, "I was wrong about Ellie."
As those words left my lips, i could feel myself feel lighter. How high i built these walls of sorrow, and grief only to give myself a more palatable explanation. . i would use excuses like "how could she do this to me?" or "shes breaking my heart" when in reality, I am the one who pushed her away. With all my pestering and lovey dovey bullshit, I'd be sick of me too. Seeing it from your perspective, is VERY unattractive.
Not intentionally, but because I too because the overprotective, lustful, clingy bastard that my friend became. I made the mistake of thinking that we would last forever, and my actions had no consequences. Well, as we both found out, they do.
The whole time i was annoyed with my friend on how clingy she was. "I miss _____." "Were drifting." " i miss him". All i really wanted to do was to get her to shut up. The frustration was unbelievable. However, now comparing the two stories, i realize, i was no better.
Keep in mind that was all in an instant, where the feelings of anguish and defeat, were suddenly swept away by the humbling fact that I was wrong. So as I stared deeply into the tea, i grabbed the rosary that my friend gave me, and whispered "thank you".
And you, i know how you feel. Keep your head up kid, and keep going.
I feel so satisfied being able to admit i was wrong. It actually does me satisfaction knowing that you stuck with me as long as you did.
Dedicated to My best friend.
